Letter #5: of parrots, hailstorms, and seeds that were planted 40 years ago

Well it's pday again and I get to send another email! I'm sorry if I don't always have time to respond to everyone, 1 hour is so so so short! I've had a really good week since Sunday. Seriously probably my best week here so far! I got your guys' cards in the mail on Monday and they really made my day, so thank you so so much! Also I had a great birthday on Tuesday! I can't even believe that I've spinned around the sun 20 times!!!! You think it'd get easier with each rotation but it seems I'm just getting dizzier. haha. but yah I'm no longer a teenager!! My district was so awesome, they all bought me a bunch of treats (seriously like 10 packs of starbursts) and decorated my desk and sang to me, it was a great day!
We discovered my new refuge in the MTC. It's the most beautiful field of trees and they're all so tall and wonderful!!! It's proabably the happiest I've been since I've been here. I went back today just to read my scriptures there because we have extra time on pdays. I know that they were planted just for me, which is insane because they had to have been planted a really really long time ago. cool to think about. Also theres a lightpost in the middle of all the trees so it looks like Narnia. dream come true! ha.

We also had a really good lesson yesterday with our investigator and it was super cool because we knew exactly what to do because we followed the guidance of the spirit! stuff like that makes my day 300% better.

On Sunday I was asked to speak (they don't tell you beforehand, you get the topic at the beginning of the week and then just cross your fingers they don't call your name haha because all of it has to be in spanish). Well, they called my name and I hadn´'t written down anything in spanish. nada. But it was amazing because I got to test the promise of the Lord! And it worked! I could talk! I could say everything I wanted to say. in spanish. in SPANISH. Please don't see this as me bragging. I jsut want everyone to see what a miracle this is. I've been here for 1 month. 1 month. There is no possible way I could speak like this by my own power. There just isn't, There is such strength in relying on the Lord. I just know that I couldn't be doing this on my own-I feel like Ammon! "Yae and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God, for He hath all power, all wisdom, all understanding, he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast, for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation.". All in all, Heavenly Father knows what he's doing and life is more unbelievable and awesome than we have the capacity to fathom.

I had a really really really amazing experience this week. All this past week in my studies and my classes I was councled on saying specific prayers with my Heavenly Father. really specific. Last week I was having a hard time feeling like this is where God wanted me to actually be. I was having a hard time feeling like He actually knew me and loved me, which is ironic, because I'm a missionary, I'm suppossed to know that all the time. I'm expected to. But anyways, I said a prayer and asked God to show me that He loved me through me getting to hear one of my very very favorite hymns (I believe in Christ) on my birthday. I woke up. We always start class with a hymn. Usually I pick it but my district leader already had one in mind. you can guess what it was. ("I believe in Christ") I felt so so happy. We had a devotional. There was a special musical number. They started out singing "I am a child of God" and all of the sudden in the middle of the song they turned it into a medley with " I believe in Christ". It was funny because at first I was just listening zoning out and stuff and then I actually heard it and i turned to my companion and whisper-shouted so loud that everyone turned hhaha. It was such a cool experience for me to have, to know that Heavenly Father will answer even the prrayers that seem insignificant. Then, to top it off, everynight our roommates sing a hymn with us before bed. Lots of times I pick, but again, one of our roommates already had one in mind. I don't think I have to tell you which one it was. yep. 3 TIMES. I had only asked for one. Our Heavenly Father always gives us more than what we deserve!!!!!!! Anyways, it was the best birthday present I've ever had in my whole entire life. My doubts are forever buried. I'm not trying to bear my testimony on birthdays, I just want everyone to know that the Heavenly Father we believe in is no distant God-heaven is within reach-the hand of the divine is everywhere if you find the eyes to see and the ears to hear. Just ask specifically! You have to ask FIRST!

The closer I feel to God, the more conviction I have to do what I know is right, and help others to do the same. I won't sacrifice my integrity for the fleeting convenience of instant gratification, if the principle of obedience itself doesn't fluctuate, then why should I?
For the first time since I've been here it wasn't cloudy at night and I was able to see the stars!!!!! It was the best thing ever in the whole universe. Also there's tons of parrots here. TONS. sometimes it's hard to study outside because of how much they squack haha.
Everyone needs to know that I know that this Gospel is true. I know it!!! I don't just believe it anymore, because all I had for a long time was belief. But now, I know. The power goes out like every other day here because of hailstorms (which is funny because most of the day it's pretty hot) but sometimes you find yourself sprinting through the hail and rain just to get to class laughing with your companion and you catch a glimpse of the mountains and the light behind the rain clouds and you see the scriptures in your hands and you just know that God loves you and all his children and that life is amazing and has a purpose and that we can be amazing and we have purpose. And sometimes it just happens like that and it's awesome.
Okay, I only have like a week and half left here! Then I'm back to good old America. crazy stuff. Thanks you SO MUCH for all of your prayers, thoughts, and support, and for the birthday wishes. I love you alllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Con amor,
Hermana Clawson


John 12:36