Letter #17: Happy November!

Hola Everyone! Another week has come and gone and somehow it's November...I can't even believe it! It feels like just yesterday that I was getting ready to leave for Ecuador, and now it's been a year?! It kind of scares me sometimes, to think that the time is just slipping through my fingers. It's a little overwhelming. Sometimes as I'm riding my bike down a big hill and I can see all of our area, all of the houses and all of the cars, full of hundreds and thousands of people, and it's overwhelming because as a missionary you just want to help every one of them. You can tell that each one is your brother or your sister and you just want to help every single one. And even though it's not really possible to help all of them in one day, we find who we can, we rescue who we can. It's easy to feel discouraged and it's easy to feel like we don't make a difference, but sometimes it hits like a hammer on my head that God is not a pessimist, and that if I start where I am, use what I have, and do what I can it will be enough. I love you all and cherish your support and your love. Make a special effort this week to stay optimistic and positive about things and believe in the influence you can have as a child of God!- "While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

con mucho amor,

Hermana Clawson

Letter #16

Hola querido amigos!
Estoy agradacida que tengo la oportunidad escribirles cada semana, que tengo la oportunidad ser misionera, que tengo la oportunidad ver milagros y ser un parte del gran plan que Dios tiene por sus hijos. Siento mucho gracias en mi corazon hoy, especialmente que tengo la oportunidad aprender espanol. Me encanta este idioma y se que tengo mucho mas aprender pero I'm grateful for this opportunity because it's helped me to understand and trust that the Spirit of God speaks in every language and can speak to every heart, even through broken spanish. :) We just got news about transfers and it looks like I am here in San Ysidro for at least another 6 weeks! phew! I can't bear the thought of leaving! I love this place. Hermana Larsen has been in this area for 7 months now and will have to leave tomorrow :( She is amazing and will do great things wherever she goes! It's crazy how fast 4 months have gone, like in 2 months I'll be 1/3 the way done? what?
Vicky got baptised last week with her daughter!!!!!!! We met her my 6th day here! It is crazy to see the change that has taken place in her life. Those first lessons with her, she wasn't even interested at all, kind, but not interested. I understood nothing. nothing! I remember one of the lessons we had, I just sat there for 45 minutes without saying or understanding a word but at the end all I could do was testify with tears in my eyes that I knew the Book of Mormon was the word of God. Little by little, through short visits and prayer, her heart was opened and changed and baptism became the most important thing in her life! Her husband is now being taught and they want to be sealed in the temple as soon as possible!!!! Milagros!!
We had an interesting experience with one of our new investigators, Raul this week. He is so kind. He is from Panama and just moved here and lives alone and has a little braid haha. Anyways, he is very open and also wants to be baptized! At our first lesson with him we were sitting outside his house and asked him if he would like to say the closing prayer. He said of course, got up, and walked into his house. We were pretty confused and slightly nervous because we didn't know what was going to happen next. And now I tell you this was probably the most unexpected thing that happened next! He came out with this huge accordian! hahaha I had to try pretty hard not to lose it. But he explained that music is how he feels close to God and how he prays. So he played Amazing Grace and it was beautiful. Then we sang Nearer My God To Thee and he loved it! It was a verrrry interesting experience haha.

Well thanks again for all of your support and prayers! I'm grateful for every day I have here and learning what it actually means to give 100%, that there isn't really much of a difference between 1 and 99, that it only matters if we give our whole soul to Him.
Love you all!
Hermana Clawson

Letter #15

Hola everyone! It's been a great week! I'm out of email time so this will be super short bu t I just want to say that I love all the things I am learning out here! I love seeing other people learn! It is a miracle that these people listen to me, and that I can say anything that could help them. It is a miracle that I can open my mouth and speak spanish and they can (for the most part haha) understand me! Nothing of my doing, that's for sure! One of our investigators, Pablo is going to be baptized either this weekend or the next! So excited for him! I'm happy to be serving the Lord and to be apart of miracles in people's lives. You are all amazing! And thank you to every one of you for your support, it means so much to me!
Love you all!
Hermana Clawson

Letter #14: What moves you?

Well hola again everyone!
This has been a good past week. Our area is bigger now so my legs are a little more sore but I can conquer those hills! I love biking. Yesterday I actually crashed haha, but somehow miraculously I landed on my feet! (that really is a miracle because I am an extremely clumsy person haha). Yesterday was just a clumsy day. I even accidentally got smoothie all over me because it exploded out of my blender in the morning, so my right eye was full of berry goop haha, should've taken a picture.
I had a really cool experience this week with a new investigator that we just started teaching. She is 15 and has been learning about the Gospel since March from other missionaries, and now we are in her area. We were talking about faith and how we can trust in God and she brought up a humble question that I think almost everyone has- "Would God ever give me something I can't handle, because I don't feel like I can handle this." It made me think of specific challenges I've had in my life, where I've felt weak and like I couldn't do it. There was one specific trial I had last year, that led me to ask for many priesthood blessings. I remember that one of the blessings from my dad told me that the experience, even though it was difficult would be for good, and that it would help me understand specifically people I would meet on my mission. Well that prophecy was fulfilled last week! It turned out that 15 year old Samantha had had a similar trial, and I was able to empathize and understand and help. I know that the Lord guides our path and leads us to the people that we need to talk with. That is something I am learning here, well, re-learning- nothing is ever coincidence!
We have been teaching a lot about the Plan of Happiness to people, and really helping people understand that we each have choices to make in this life- we each have the freedom to choose, the freedom to act, the freedom to move, to shake the dust. I have been pondering about this topic in my personal study and I came across a scripture that helped open my eyes to more understanding. I had been reading in the New Testament and noticed how many times when talking about the Savior it said that "he was moved with compassion". I let myself sit and ponder for a second and thought about all the things we do in a day. Everybody is busy. We all have a never ending list of "things to do". As missionaries, we're always busy. There is never an hour to sit and rest, not until you're in your bed. But I thought for a second and just let the question sink in- "What moves you?" Is it stress, a desire to be the best, to get things done? There are plenty of reasons for the things we do, but I think if there is something I've learned this week is that we need to be more like Jesus-moved by compassion. I have to learn daily when the alarm goes off that love is never ever lazy. What moves us? Let is be compassion-whatever we do, wherever our choices lead us, let them be led by compassion-I know that this will bring us closer to Jesus Christ! I read a beautiful talk by Elder Bednar a recently and he said something I really liked- that the Savior didn't just diefor us, but that He desires to live in us. I know that if we try to be more compassionate, we will have more room for the Savior to live in our hearts!
Well, I am happy and I am doing good. Every day I get to ride my bike down the hill before we head home and I get to see all of the city lights from Tijuana, and I know that the mountains are to my left and the Pacific to my right and I'm just happy. Keep being awesome! Share the Gospel with people!
Con amor,
Hermana Clawson!


*spanish mistake worth sharing* I was talking with some members yesterday and tried to say that something happened "often", which I think is "a menudo?" but I've just been saying "menudo" to people, which they all laughed and told me was like cow skin or intestines or something, apparently a popular food haha. slowly but surely I will learn this language!!

Letter #13: Child of God, Disciple of Christ

This past week has been pretty hectic with the ward splitting and all. It's changing our areas as missionaries and has been crazy but awesome to be apart of! I've been focusing a lot on our identity this past week, and a lot on faith, which are two things that I've realized I need to be focusing on all the time. When we teach people- the first principle we teach- the first concept we try to hammer into their heart before anything else-- is remind them that they are a child of God, that God is our loving Heavenly Father and wants the best for us. It sounds so simple, but I've come to learn and realize that this is one of, if not the most valuable truth we teach. There is a reason that we teach it first. I have been learning that when we show people that they are a child of God- that their identity is permanent and unshakable and rooted in divinity- they are more receptive to our message. I like this role I have of helping people re-discover who they are. As missionaries, we teach all kinds of different people, all who have made mistakes. It's a privilege to show people that there is a part of divinity that lives in them- regardless of their standpoint on the social spectrum, or regardless of the choices they've made, good or bad, or regardless of their opinions of themselves- to show them that self esteem might have the power to fluctuate but that self-worth does not have that capacity- they have one identity that is guaranteed, one identity that will never ever ever fall away, no matter what they do- they are children of God! Part of the Father lives in everyone we meet, because we. are. his. children. We teach this Gospel that is all about faith-about belief-action-change-endure-it's all about hope and patience, the two of which, add up to faith! When we help people see the glimpse of eternity within themselves- when we help them connect to heaven-not as some distant far away metaphorical idea-but as a piece of themselves, something that has been and will always be apart of them- they are more receptive to eternal truth. When we know we are eternal beings we are receptive to eternal truth. I'm sorry for going on a tangent but it's just something that has been hammered into my head and heart lately.
It's a privilege to be apart of this work! I don't feel like I deserve it most of the time. I feel like these people need someone better, but I will do my very best! I know that I am a child of God and that with that knowledge comes faith and the absence of fear-if we truly know who we are we will never fear! When we recognize this inherit identity that we have, we will be able to make choices that will bring a second identity upon ourselves- we will make the choice to be disciples of Jesus Christ- we will follow him in every choice and strive to testify of Him with our thoughts, words, and choices. We will become like the prophets of old! "Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life."-3 Nephi 5:13
I love you all!
Con amor,
Hermana Clawson

Letter #12

Hola mi amigos!! 

     I am almost halfway through my second transfer, isn't that crazy?! It's insane to think about how has happened in this short amount of time, and how much more I will experience in the next 15 months. It's hard to put it all into one compartment in my brain, but if anything, I've found 2 words in spanish that seem to sum it up.

estoy aprendiendo. 

It means "I am learning." 

yep. from spanish, to kindness, to the gospel, I am learning. I'm learning how to see the light in others and help them see it too, I'm learning how to follow God's plan even when I think I have my own, I'm learning how to talk to people I don't know, I'm learning that every day is a new opportunity to be better than I was before, I'm learning things I thought I already knew but still need to learn again. and again. and again. I am learning that it's not about me, ever. I am learning that it's God's will, Christ's grace, and my faith. I am learning that there is almost nothing as valuable as perspective. I am learning to find home everywhere. I am learning that even after 8 weeks it is still difficult to ride a bike in a skirt. haha. overall, I am learning!!! One thing I am learning is that Heavenly Father is in every single tiny detail, and provides specific plans to bring about specific purposes. This past Friday we had planned to see an investigator who we've only had one short lesson with. His name is Juan and he's about 17 I think (mom this is a different Juan than the other 16 year old, lol- the other juan haha). We had planned on seeing him at a certain time that day but earlier plan fell through, changing the plans for the rest of the day, so we didn't get to see him when we planned and we didn't have his number or anything. Anyways, we didn't have much time left because we had an activity to get to that night so we were trying to figure our how to spend our last minutes. We decided we could still try to see Juan, even though there was no guarantee that he would be there or have time. We rode to his apartments and the second we turned the corner we saw that he had turned the corner to walk down the same sidewalks! It was the perfect timing! We got to have a short lesson with him and follow up on his prayers, which we had taught 

him about the week before. His brother walked by in the middle and decided to join us and then he taught his brother how to pray! It was really cool to see how the Lord will put the right people in your path if you're just willing to go. 

     Sister Schmitt, the mission president's wife, put a really good quote in our newsletter for this month, that I wanted to share: "The Lord words from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and they they would take themselves our of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature...Christ changes men, and changed men can change the world. Men changed for Christ will be captained in Christ. Men captained by Christ will be consumed in Christ. Their will is swallowed up in His will. They do always those things that please the Lord. Not only would they die for the Lord,but more important they want to live for Him." -Ezra Taft Benson I know that this is true! That this is a gospel about change and second chances! of trying again and of trying harder! Every single human being has the potential to change the world! All we have to do is change ourselves first! And we have the most reliable guide. Thank you for your love and all of your support. I'm happy to be a misionera :)

Con amor

Hermana Clawson

Letter #11

Hola everyone!

      Can you believe I've been here for a full transfer?! Crazy, feels like I got here yesterday! I figured out this morning that I will be staying in San Ysidro for the next 6 weeks so I am ecstatic about that! There are so many people that I just can't leave. 

     We have been seeing many miracles this past week and I feel so privileged and blessed to be teaching such amazing people with such strong faith. We had a lesson with Vicky and her daughter this past week on the restoration of the gospel and her daughter gave the closing prayer at the end. It was extremely short, and I couldn't understand much (spanish) but I heard her say "Jose Smith" and then we looked up and her mom was crying and said she didn't know why. Well, we know why! Because the Gospel is true! And Joseph Smith was a prophet of God! And everyone can know that through the power of the Holy Ghost and the Book of Mormon! Their family is getting baptized next month. 

     It's really miraculous to see the role that the Book of Mormon plays in all of this. We've been teaching a guy named Jovani and his brother for about a week and a half now and last week he stopped me in the middle of my sentence and just said- "Tell me what I need to do to find out this is true. What do I need to do?" We told him the three simple things- pray every day, read the Book of Mormon with a sincere heart, come to church, and just ask God. He is the source of all truth! Why would you ask anyone else? He said he would do it all and has lived true to his commitments. He read 25 pages of the Book of Mormon in just 3 days, prays every single night, and wants to be baptized this November. !!!!!!!!!!!!! 

      Those are just some of my favorite experiences from this past week. We work hard and long here. I'm usually sweaty the whole day because of the whole bike riding deal and sometimes our feet get blistered from all the walking we do as well- but we know that none of our effort is in vain and that the Lord is preparing his people! It is a blessing to be apart of this work! I love you all sooooo much and appreciate any prayers said on my behalf. Thank you all for everything you do

hasta proxima semana!

Con amor,

Hermana Clawson

Letter #10: Holaaaa!

Hola everyone! I am sorry that I didn't email last week- time is a precious thing and extremely hard to find and distribute as a missionary, but I'm learning! It has been an amazing 6 weeks here so far- I have experienced so much more than I thought I could in only 6 weeks, so many different people and so many little miracles, the blessings are everywhere!
A, someone that we have been teaching, got baptized this past Saturday! It was such a beautiful experience and I felt so privileged to be apart of it. He has such a strong testimony and such strong faith. He said that he had been praying to find direction and truth in his life and that day the missionaries passed by his house and he was out front at a time when he normally isn't there. He talked about how grateful he was for the timing and that the missionaries were able to be there to find him, and that he knew that what we taught was true from the beginning! It is a testimony to me that the Lord puts people in our path who are prepared to hear and receive the truth! I often feel humbled to even be teaching this people. One thing that we do quite often is teach people the simple but powerful truth of prayer. There is almost nothing more sacred than the quite moments we have with our investigators before and after they pray for the first time in their life. I love teaching people how simple it is and how we can talk to Him the way we would talk to a friend, and that we can ask specific questions and receive specific answers- and that prayer is like a telephone- it's a two way communication- He wants to talk with us too. It makes me so grateful for my testimony of Joseph Smith, and the courage he had to pray- the courage he had to ask where he could find the truth. We taught a really beautiful lesson on the first vision this past Sunday and Elias (our investigator) said something that hit the point of the lesson on the dot- "I feel like everyone has a little Joseph Smith part in them"- yes!! Everyone has a desire to know the truth- everyone has a desire to figure out what's real and what faith is-who is God and would He really answer me? This is a common human question- and we are so fortunate to have the knowledge of the reality of the restoration- the knowledge that God listens to every prayer and will respond!
Speaking spanish is coming. I still can't really express myself the way I wish I could, but I have such a strong testimony that the Lord prepares us for what he wants us to do. I didn't take any spanish in high school. I knew nothing. And then all of the sudden I felt a pull to go to Ecuador? I know that the Lord guided my thoughts and my desires to Ecuador, to help prepare me for this. I can have actual real conversations with people- and I know it's nothing of my doing. I have a distinct memory in Ecuador of picking up a spanish Book of Mormon just for fun. I had no real desire to learn and this was before I got my mission call so was just going to try to read it for fun, but I remember a distinct thought coming to my brain that said- "there will come a day when you will understand every word of this", I didn't really believe the thought because at the time the words just looked like gibberish. Two weeks later I got my mission call to speak in spanish. I can read a spanish Book of Mormon and understand what is being said. It is so amazing to see how the Lord works and prepares us and will help us do the things he calls us to do, because I know that I could not be doing this without him!
All in all it has been a good week and I am excited to see what lies in store for this week. I had a victory yesterday when one of the ward members told me that I had a "corazon latina" because of my love for guacomole and salsa haha. Oh and apparently there was an earthquake Sunday morning? I guess I slept through it, but the members were talking about it!
I love that I get to be on a bike and feel the wind here. It reminds me of something that one of our investigators, Jovani, told us in a lesson yesterday- that our faith is like the wind- it's not something that you can see but it's something that you can feel. I'm so grateful to be able to feel this "wind" and to have my faith grow to knowledge. I know that God is real and that He loves us and that because He loves us He's given us this gospel so we can know the way to return to Him, and I love that I get to share this with others!
I love you all!

Hermana Clawson

She has a tan line from her CTR ring! Go Savannah!

This is the view from her apartment, aka the border between California and Mexico!

Letter #9

Another week has come and gone although it feels like all I did was blink! I think I have talked to and met more people in these last 3 weeks than I have in my whole life! I am learning how to embrace discomfort and open my mouth even if I have no idea what I am saying! My thoughts are really scrambled this week and I don't have much time, so this email will be shorter than normal I think. 

     We are teaching 5 people who want to be baptized soon! I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to teach these people. I think it's a miracle itself that they still want us to come back because most of the time I feel like I can't say anything of substance and that I'm not making a difference because I don't feel like I can convey the message well, but then they say that they know it's true and that they want to learn more! It's a miracle. It truly testifies that the Lord does the work, we are only the messengers. And just how Christ fed the 5 thousand with only 7(?) loaves, if we put ourselves in His hands and let Him break us it will somehow, miraculously, be enough.  

     I am running out of time, and promise to write more next week, but just know that I love you all! Sometimes when I pray I feel like my heart might explode because of all the love I feel. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and that it has been restored in its fulness. That is what makes this message so special. The Gospel has been restored! We need not wander and we need not despair-there is hope yet again on the earth. And I'm so grateful to share that with people- that God knows them individually, that they can talk with him at any time, that death isn't the end, that the Atonement is real-that life literally has a restart button and that God has a specific plan for EVERYONE-no matter who they think they are or who think they they're not- there is hope!

Hermana Clawson

Letter #8: Broken bikes and open windows

 Hola everyone! I am almost halfway through my first transfer! Isn't that crazy? loco haha. The days and the weeks go by so fast here.I feel like I just sent my last email yesterday! This week has been an adventure for sure. So my bike actually got ran over last Saturday...haha. Luckily I wasn't on it. I was just foolish and left it too close to the middle of a driveway. It's not ride-able now but there are a couple of extra bikes floating around the mission that they're going to try and send my way this week! Anyways, we've been on foot, and it's been an incredible blessing! We've had the opportunity to talk and meet with so many more people. If I had my bike this week, I wouldn't have been able to help teach Rudy how to pray, or teach Gloria how God knows exactly who she is, or meet with the man we see waiting for the bus every week. I know that there is a blessing in every trial, in fact I think it's where there is the most. Think of our greatest blessing-the gift of Christ's atonement for us-that blessing was born on the darkest day in human history! Remember that.

    I love getting to spend all my time to be a missionary. Yesterday as we were walking to an appointment we had with one of our investigators, we heard people calling after us. We turned around and there was a car just about to drive our of a parking lot and onto the road and the had their window down and were telling us to run over there. I was confused because they had recognized us from behind but was super excited to talk to them. It was a family and they had rolled down their windows and started talking to us in spanish. "Are you guys Christian?!" "We've seen you around!!" "We want to know more about your church!!" "Where's your church?!" I was so baffled and confused. They were talking so fast because there was cars behind them but the daughter was saying how they could tell from our appearance that we were Christian and had a good message and the mom started talking about how much she loves to read the scriptures but doesn't have a church. The car behind them started to honk. They were like, do you guys have a card or anything?! I quickly pulled out a picture of Christ and wrote the address of our church on the back but didn't have time to write our number. Then, as they drove away, I literally practically through a Book of Mormon through the window with no explanation hahaha. They drove off but I saw the girl look down at the book and her face lit up and she yelled "thank you!!" as they drove away. It was such a cool experience and I really pray that we can see them again!!! Experiences like that are the highlights of my day.

     I learned something really beautiful in my study this past week. In Jacob 4:5 I learned about sacrifice and how Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son Isaac. I learned how this is symbolic of how our Heavenly Father was willing to sacrifice His Only Begotten Son, Christ. We are all going to have to be Abraham in this life. We are all going to have to be willing to sacrifice everything we care about for God. Now the cool thing I learned, was about what we have to sacrifice. God was willing to sacrifice and send His son, Christ. In John one, it talks about how Christ is the "Word" of God. He is everything God wants to communicate to us. Words symbolize thoughts. Christ is the symbol of God's thoughts towards us-love, mercy, charity, hope, etc. So what are the words in our lives? Surely it's not only the things we say that communicate our desires, but our thoughts, and more importantly our actions. Our entire life is a symbol of what we want to communicate with the world.To "sacrifice" something is to "render holy". How can you render holy your words? How can you render holy your thoughts? How can you render holy your actions? This is how we give our lives to God. Consecrate everything. Be willing to consecrate everything for Him. Is what you're living for worth Him dyeing for? Think about it. Anyways, that was a beautiful part of my study this week.

     I'm so grateful for your guys' love. I am printing out all the emails I recieved because they uplifted me so much. I couldn't be more grateful to have such dependable friends and family. If there is anything I learn daily on my mission is that God is my only real happiness. There is a song that I've been listening to that sums it up really well- "let my pain reveal that your glory is my only real rest." The things that made me "happy" at home can't make me happy anymore. There is no time to myself-and that is something I am learning to be grateful for. Everything is taken away, even just they joy of the sunrise or the extra time to pray a little longer, everything is taken away until the only real satisfaction to find is through His glory-and what is His glory- "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man". This is my only rest now. This is where the lasting joy lies, where the happiness that doesn't fade is. Everything else is just too fleeting. 

     Anyways, I am happy, and I pray that all of you are too. I am happy because of all the people I get to talk with everyday. I've met so many great people. Almost daily we meet with an old man named Victor who got baptized about 2 months ago and we meet under his guava tree and he gives us fruit daily and shares his testimony of the Book of Mormon, which he's reading the second time through. So many blessings! I love you all!!

Hermana Clawson

Letter #7: "Because they knew everything was at stake they were willing to sacrifice everything."

Well, I have officially been in the USA for one whole week now! It's been quite the adventure and I am learning a lot. When I got here we drove by a place that looks just like Clearwater beach and that was a comfort for me. San Diego is beautiful and the weather is perfect!!! I am in a place called San Ysidro, which is pretty much as close to the border of Mexico as you can get- literally I can see the Mexican flag from my apartment haha. I also get to use a bike to get everywhere and am slowly learning how to ride one handed so I can hold my skirt down in the wind hahaha. My new companion is Hermana Larson! She is from Utah and has been here for 6 months and it's her first area. It's nice because she knows all of these people really well and can introduce me.
It's very different than the MTC here. I talk with real people every day. real people. real people with real stories and real lives and real feelings and real dreams and I get the privilege to get to know them and show them the very real light of the Gospel. I am slowly learning how to be brave and open my mouth, but it's hard because I don't know spanish as well as I wished, but I know that Heavenly Father will help me learn this language.
I am learning more and more about the character of Christ and the nature of our Heavenly Father. Christ is mercy. That's what I've learned-that the gospel we preach is one of second chances-of trying again and again and again and trying harder each time. I've learned that the only way I can truly find lasting peace is by conforming my will to God's will. I have to make his happiness my happiness, his joy my joy. And his happiness is stated in Moses 1:39- "for behold, this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.". This is my work and this is my glory. I want to help people find eternal life. I want to bring people to the peace of the Savior that they don't even know how well they know. And I am slowly learning how to do this.
It's beautiful here, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday we get to do trail runs outside which is such a beautiful blessing. I got to see the beautiful moon every night and get to ride my bike during sunset, although I will say that I really miss the sunrise in Mexico. Alright, well I have to go, sorry that this was short. So much happened it's just hard to wrap my brain around it all. Thank you to everyone for your constant support and prayers, I need it!
Con amor,
Hermana Clawson

Letter #6

  Well it's official! This is my last time I will be emailing you from Mexico City!! I leave for San Diego super early Tuesday morning. Things are coming to a close here and it's awesome and terrifying all at once. I've gotten really comfortable here. And that's just the thing, the Lord never ever ever calls us to be comfortable-happy yes-but there is a level of discomfort required for growth, a magnitude of trust needed in order to face the future of change with perspective. And it's kind of scary. But it reminds me of every other time I left. Whether it was BYU, Fiji, or Ecuador, they all felt the same. Every single time I felt like I tied a blindfold around my eyes and walked off a cliff, and I think that's how it normally feels when God asks you to leave or to go somewhere new. Anyways, I'm feeling that way again. It's really scary. But not the bad, horrifying kind, it's like the awe-worthy jaw dropping adrenaline rush I finally felt the wind kind. So all is well. I'm really excited to meet the people I can help and to find the people who can help me. There is an adventure on the horizon and I'm excited!

      This week I read in Matthew one of my very favorite scripture stories and it really hit me how much it applies to missionary work and the callings we have as servants of Christ. I read of when Christ fed the 5,000. Christ asks His disciples to feed those who are starving. He asks them to have compassion. As missionaries, as His disciples, we've been asked to feed those who are starving, we've been asked to have compassion on the wanderers. And just like the disciples in this story in verse 17, we doubt. We fear. We fear that we don't have enough. That we don't have what it takes to help these people-but pay close attention to verse 18. As they brought all they had to Christ, even if it was only 5 loaves and 2 fish-as they brought all they had to Him, He turned it into enough to feed the people. It does not matter if you feel inadequate, it doesn't matter if you feel like your efforts are not enough to make a difference-if you give all your efforts to Christ, however small they may be, He will turn it into enough. 5,000 were filled that day. We can help so many people if we just give all we can to Christ first.

     We had district meeting outside this week at night and it was so lovely because we got to see the stars again. I love my district. That was my last time to have an open discussion with them and it kind of makes me sad. Also we had like a tsunami hurricane flood thunder storm yesterday haha. Okay there was some exaggeration there but seriously they like locked missionaries inside because it was hailing so bad! I got soaked haha. But it was way fun, I love the rain here!

     I don't have much more time, but I just want everyone to know how much the Lord knows you on a super individual level. You might not be able to realize it now, but everything that is happening to you is preparing you for your future, everything. Things that never made sense to me years ago make sense to me now. Just be patient and trust the Lord. Alright, it's been real, I'll talk to you from the USA next time!

Con amor,

Hermana Clawson

Letter #5: of parrots, hailstorms, and seeds that were planted 40 years ago

Well it's pday again and I get to send another email! I'm sorry if I don't always have time to respond to everyone, 1 hour is so so so short! I've had a really good week since Sunday. Seriously probably my best week here so far! I got your guys' cards in the mail on Monday and they really made my day, so thank you so so much! Also I had a great birthday on Tuesday! I can't even believe that I've spinned around the sun 20 times!!!! You think it'd get easier with each rotation but it seems I'm just getting dizzier. haha. but yah I'm no longer a teenager!! My district was so awesome, they all bought me a bunch of treats (seriously like 10 packs of starbursts) and decorated my desk and sang to me, it was a great day!
We discovered my new refuge in the MTC. It's the most beautiful field of trees and they're all so tall and wonderful!!! It's proabably the happiest I've been since I've been here. I went back today just to read my scriptures there because we have extra time on pdays. I know that they were planted just for me, which is insane because they had to have been planted a really really long time ago. cool to think about. Also theres a lightpost in the middle of all the trees so it looks like Narnia. dream come true! ha.

We also had a really good lesson yesterday with our investigator and it was super cool because we knew exactly what to do because we followed the guidance of the spirit! stuff like that makes my day 300% better.

On Sunday I was asked to speak (they don't tell you beforehand, you get the topic at the beginning of the week and then just cross your fingers they don't call your name haha because all of it has to be in spanish). Well, they called my name and I hadn´'t written down anything in spanish. nada. But it was amazing because I got to test the promise of the Lord! And it worked! I could talk! I could say everything I wanted to say. in spanish. in SPANISH. Please don't see this as me bragging. I jsut want everyone to see what a miracle this is. I've been here for 1 month. 1 month. There is no possible way I could speak like this by my own power. There just isn't, There is such strength in relying on the Lord. I just know that I couldn't be doing this on my own-I feel like Ammon! "Yae and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God, for He hath all power, all wisdom, all understanding, he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast, for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation.". All in all, Heavenly Father knows what he's doing and life is more unbelievable and awesome than we have the capacity to fathom.

I had a really really really amazing experience this week. All this past week in my studies and my classes I was councled on saying specific prayers with my Heavenly Father. really specific. Last week I was having a hard time feeling like this is where God wanted me to actually be. I was having a hard time feeling like He actually knew me and loved me, which is ironic, because I'm a missionary, I'm suppossed to know that all the time. I'm expected to. But anyways, I said a prayer and asked God to show me that He loved me through me getting to hear one of my very very favorite hymns (I believe in Christ) on my birthday. I woke up. We always start class with a hymn. Usually I pick it but my district leader already had one in mind. you can guess what it was. ("I believe in Christ") I felt so so happy. We had a devotional. There was a special musical number. They started out singing "I am a child of God" and all of the sudden in the middle of the song they turned it into a medley with " I believe in Christ". It was funny because at first I was just listening zoning out and stuff and then I actually heard it and i turned to my companion and whisper-shouted so loud that everyone turned hhaha. It was such a cool experience for me to have, to know that Heavenly Father will answer even the prrayers that seem insignificant. Then, to top it off, everynight our roommates sing a hymn with us before bed. Lots of times I pick, but again, one of our roommates already had one in mind. I don't think I have to tell you which one it was. yep. 3 TIMES. I had only asked for one. Our Heavenly Father always gives us more than what we deserve!!!!!!! Anyways, it was the best birthday present I've ever had in my whole entire life. My doubts are forever buried. I'm not trying to bear my testimony on birthdays, I just want everyone to know that the Heavenly Father we believe in is no distant God-heaven is within reach-the hand of the divine is everywhere if you find the eyes to see and the ears to hear. Just ask specifically! You have to ask FIRST!

The closer I feel to God, the more conviction I have to do what I know is right, and help others to do the same. I won't sacrifice my integrity for the fleeting convenience of instant gratification, if the principle of obedience itself doesn't fluctuate, then why should I?
For the first time since I've been here it wasn't cloudy at night and I was able to see the stars!!!!! It was the best thing ever in the whole universe. Also there's tons of parrots here. TONS. sometimes it's hard to study outside because of how much they squack haha.
Everyone needs to know that I know that this Gospel is true. I know it!!! I don't just believe it anymore, because all I had for a long time was belief. But now, I know. The power goes out like every other day here because of hailstorms (which is funny because most of the day it's pretty hot) but sometimes you find yourself sprinting through the hail and rain just to get to class laughing with your companion and you catch a glimpse of the mountains and the light behind the rain clouds and you see the scriptures in your hands and you just know that God loves you and all his children and that life is amazing and has a purpose and that we can be amazing and we have purpose. And sometimes it just happens like that and it's awesome.
Okay, I only have like a week and half left here! Then I'm back to good old America. crazy stuff. Thanks you SO MUCH for all of your prayers, thoughts, and support, and for the birthday wishes. I love you alllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Con amor,
Hermana Clawson


John 12:36

Letter #4: halfway done with the MTC!

Hola familia y amigos!

    Well it's official! I'm halfway through the MTC- weird, right?! It kind of feels like one reallllly long day, in fact I don't ever really know what day it is anymore, since all of them just kinda mesh together, but still so much happens! I was sad earlier this week because our awesome sister trainer leaders left to serve in Nashville Tenesee! I became really close with them (like for real they're both as obsessed with Avatar as I am!), but luckliy they'll both be at BYU Provo of winter 2016!!!!! woohoo. I've had a couple of hard days but hard is good, which is something I have to discover over. and over. and over. and over again. My companera got sick earlier this week and it was really hard for her. She was able to get a priesthood blessing from the boys in our district which was a miracle to be apart of. She's all better!! and I didn't get sick!! Thats a miracle too, seeing that we're with eachother ALL the time. Anyways, it's pday so life is good and my district wants me to teach them yoga haha that puts me on cloud 9! Also- reason number 34353390 Heavenly Father created the Mexico MTC just for me (annabelle you'll love this), all of the desks in my classroom have like lord of the rings stuff literally carved into the desk from former missionairies. My desk yesterday said "I heart baginsses" lol, the rest are like I heart smeagol, I heart orcses, haha.

     As usual I've grown a lot spiritually this week and my perspective has been lengthened, even if only a tad. I'm learning that if I make my life a constant conversation with God everything is beautiful, even hard things, in fact those probably the most. I've been reading in the Old Testament about Joseph in Egypt and it's probably one of my very favorite scripture stories of all time. I encourage everyone to go read it! I love where he names his son Manasseh. I looked up what that meant in the bible dictionary and it means "forgetting", That kind of sounds weird, but later in the verse he says "For God hath made me forget all my toil", I just like how through our afflictions we can become greater than we were before and that the Lord will consecrate our afflictions for our gain (2 Nephi 2:1-2). Also hymns with Hermana Horton have become part of our daily routine. We leave lunch just a little early  and sing praises. She sings the spanish and I{ll sing the harmony a long in english because I can't play and read espanol at the same time haha. But yah, its probably the highlight of my day everyday.

     Spanish is coming. slowly. slowwwwwlly. but coming! Actually sometimes I think back to Ecuador (actually like all the time) and think of how at the beginnning I couldn't understand anything at all. Then I look at life now and how I can understand so much of what our investigators say (who are native speakers from Mexico) and its not my doing and its nothing short of a miracle. MIRACLES!!!!! EVERYWHEREEEEEEE. really though. I'm also learning that it takes courage to be obedient, even among missionairies. Theres always the temptation to forget why you're here, or who you represent and kind of treat it like a big long EFY, but that's not what it is and that's not why I'm here. Every hour you have to remind yourself of who you represent and how you want to share Christ's love with people, and you have to remind youself why. Lots of reminding. I want to be unbreakable. I want to become emotionally and mentally resilient. I refuse to get discouraged. 

     I tried to learn more about the Atonement this week. Something I realized is that any pain I inflict upon anyone, any pain at all, in the smallest or grandest degree, regardless of how that person has treated me, regardless of if I think they deserve it or not (and who would I be to think so?)-any of the pain I inflict on any human being is one more thing Christ had to suffer through in that sacred garden 2,000 years ago. I can't bear the thought. I'm sorry if i've ever hurt your feelings in any way, to anyone reading this.

     Every morning a get to walk and see the remnants of the sunrise. There is nothing I love more than seeing the mountains fade to sky against the pink and red strokes of sun. Seriously nothing better. Also today since it was Pday my companion and I decided to walk through all of the buildings and look at the dozens upon dozens upon dozens of paintings. I don't even think we got halfway. I'm so grateful for this beautiful place! Okay, I've got to go, I love you all so so much!! Seriously so much i could burst. Thank you for prayers thoguths support and everything!!! You mean the world to me. 

CON AMOR,

Hermana Clawson

Letter #3: "you are not called to serve in a place, you are called to serve in place of Him"

Wow! I can{t believe I've been here for two weeks! I feel like I've been here forever, and I love it! There are definitely ups and downs but the hand of the Lord is in every single detail. I've really come to love my district and it makes me sad to think that we won't be together for our whole missions. Whether we're having awesome spiritual discussions about 1 Nephi, or having a mid study jam session to the theme song of Arthur (yes, as in the tv show we all watched when we were little), we're always having the best time. 

     Pday is the best thing that's ever happened here other than Sundays ha. I love LOVE love receiving all these emails and the strength I feel from my friends and family is the biggest blessing! I feel like I'm refilling a water bottle. Does that make sense? Today we got to go to the visitor's center for the Mexico city temple. What a blessing! We didn't get to go in the temple, but wow the visitor's center is AWESOME! The whole time I was there it felt like people were putting spiritual bandaids on all my doubts. Driving there was really fun. Everyone was freaking out because of Mexico driving. I felt right at home like I was on the streets of Quito haha. We got to do a service project this week and just helped clean the buildings here. You know you{re on a mission when a service project feels like a nap and a devotional feels like your birthday. I don't know how they make us feel like that but that's just the way it is when you study all day!

      Music has been such a comfort here. We can't listen to any in the MTC so at first it was hard. My companion sings and was asked to do a musical number in sacrament last week so I got to arrange an accompanient for I know that my Redeemer lives! We got to go practice everyday and having the opportunity to play the piano is such a blessing. We just leave lunch a little early and I get to play. We've continued doing it, even though we've already done the number. I think we'll do it for the rest of our time here because it relaxes us so much and has brought the spirit into our companionship and unified us. Hymns carry so much strength! They are like scripture! I play them in sacrament! (be proud mom!) I shared my testimony in spanish last week at sacrament meeting and at the beginning i wanted to say ¨" i don{t like being in front of lots of people. but instead all I said was I don{t like lots of people. ha. shows you how good my spanish is! It was funny. 

     I really just love the MTC. I know some people don't really like it here, but I just love the feeling of being at a spiritual bootcamp. Everyone is so focused and everyone works so hard. It's amazing! Tell Amelia and Caroline and Lilly that it reminds of Avatar (hahahaha) when Katara learns from the waterbending master, or Aang and Avatar Roku, or Sokka and the sword guy, haha except tell them I{m learning how to be a spiritbender instead. :) haha Even the president of the MTC kind of looks like the awesome earthbending king. okay sorry that I am a super nerd. Moving on...

     We watched a devotional by Elder Holland this week and I think it was my favorite talk}devptopmañ I{ve ever heard in my life. EVERYONE must watch it! But mostly Annabelle! I don{{t know what it{s called, but I don{t care how long you have to look for it, find it!!! It{s on missionary work, its more than a couple years old and hear{s a quote from it "I want your mission to mean as much to you as mine meant to me" please please pelase watch it. It{s probably been my favorite time at the MTC so far.

     I'm learning a lot here. I'm learning how to have charity for others and to be diligent. I'm learning to trust God{s instinct before my own in every situation. I am so so so grateful for the sciptures. Personal study time is sacred to me. I love putting myself in the scriptures. I am Peter. I am King Lamoni, I'm Enos, I'm David. I'm Hyrums, I{m Moses,I{m a stripling warrior, and I'm in awe of how these people who lived so many hundreds of years before me unknowingly wrote the story of my life in sacred text. 

      I love you all! I'm so grateful to be on a mission and I'm so grateful for my family and I'm so grateful for all the trees here and for the opportunity I have every day to come closer to Christ. He lives people. Trust me. if you don't know, come to the MTC for yourself. ahh life is awesome.

I don't think I'll ever get be able to fathom how awesome the mountains are here. They fill my soul every morning when I walk outside to go to class. I am so so grateful to be in Mexico!!!!

Love,

Hermana Clawson

ps: I've been having really weird dreams. as usual haha. like this week I married a bunny who knits and the wedding was on a pirate ship. what the heck?

Letter #2: HOLA FROM MEXICO YO

Hola mi familia y amigos!!!!! *sorry this email is going to be all over the place, my thoughts are eeverywhere!*

     Wow where do I even begin! I don't think there[s anywhere else in the world where people work as hard as they work here. The Mexico MTC is the BEST!  I seriously love this place!!!!!!! *and sorry for any typos this keyboard is made for espanol* I guess I can just start by saying that I KNOW that this is where I am supposed to be. I swear the Mexico MTC was made just for me!!! like really, I feel so at home here- it's just like Ecuador!!! I see colorful houses on the hills everyday! And I can hear the dogs bark at night! It feels like I'm in Ecuador again. The entire MTC is like outside and there's tons of trees and we are surrounded by the mountains!!! I LOVE IT! There are paintings everywhere you turn so it feels like an art museum, seriously the Lord made this place just for me!!!! Ecuador prepared me like no other, and that's really apparent now that I'm here-for instance, spanish, I can understand! I can speak some! not fluently, but I can! And working all day really isn't very hard for me at all, and I know it''s because the Lord prepared me to be here. Ecuador has truly lightened my load here. 

My district is so amazing and we have all really bonded. It's weird because most of the boys here are 18 and the sisters barely 19, I'm one of the older ones! It's really kinda funny because we're district 13, so everyone kind of has this joke about the hunger games because in Mexico you kind of hear gun shots/cannon sounding noises frequently, so we pretend we're in the Hunger games. I hear that little mocking bird whistle tune from the movie randomly throughout my building like 10 times a day. Also the Mexico MTC is funny because it seems like everyone here has this common inside joke about quoting Nacho Libre. like really I think I hear a quote every hour. This week we got locked in our classroom because our door handle broke and our elders had to climb out the window to get help. It was hilarious. Now we don't have a handle but that';s okay.  My zone is hilarious and I love it when I have activities with them because we all get along really well. And as usual, the Lord has blessed me with an amazing bishop who just knows what to say. The food here is...edible...I think. haha. Six weeks might kill me, the good thing is no matter what meal there is there's always a nutella bar to turn to if you can't eat the other stuff. ha. My companion is wonderful. Shes from texas and has 3 passions in life- tennis, texas, and well prepared meat haha. We are learning how to work well together and becoming good friends. She-s been through a lot and is such an amazing example.

A normal day here goes like this- wake up, get ready as fast as possible, study, breakfast, study, language class, class, gym, lunch, study, language, comp study, practice teaching investigators, study more, dinner, study, language, planning, go to bed as fast as possible. I even dream about trying to speak spanish. It's crazy haha. For me, I love the scriptures and I love spanish, so the days here are perfect in my opinion. And I get to do yoga outside during gym! I'm happy. Sundays are like Christmas because we just have devotionals all day. It's wonderful. I dont know hwy, but devotionals are like Christmas for missionairies. seriously. Sundays are the bomb.com. Oh also, it's a good thing I brought an umbrella because it pours EVERYDAY here. I think my shoes might get ruined. But everynight I love seeing all the dozens of missioniries walking to their houses with their umbrellas. I don't know why, I just love it.

Spanish is going really well and I truly love this language. It's amazing how much you can learn at the MTC. truly amazing. I can pray, teach a lesson, recite scriptures, bear my testimony, lots!

Okay that's enough of the basics. I'm learning a lot here. |'m learning that none of this is my own. This isn't my time, it's the Lord's. I can't teach my lessons, I have to teach the Lord's, even my name isn't my own because Jesus Christ is on my name tag. It's a cool feeling. I am learning to turn outward instead of inward. And I'm learning how to teach people about the gospel. Our second day here they had us teach an investigator and obviously it was really difficult. We don't know spanish and we didn't really know what to do, but if you pray and prepare you'll be blessed. The Mexico MTC has a really cool system for teaching-each day for five days we taught our investigator, Melisa. We recently learned that she is going to become our teacher *so obviously she wasn't a real investigator, and we knew that , but you treat it like the real thing-and it really works( We figured our her real name isn't Melissa, and Melisa was someone she taught on her mission, who she acted out for. I don't know how to explain it. It's just really neat, feels like your being taught by the masters.Also funny story- make sure if your ever teaching a spanish church lesson, don't mix up leccion and like lacion, because one of them means laceration, and you don'' want to tell your investigator that you have a good 'laceratuiion 'prepared for them today. ha. I know from experience.

     Anyways, I really love it here, I 'm learning lots, and I'm really having an awesome time! Here is a spiritual though to end my update- In 1 nephi 1 in Leh's vision, it says that the angles were in the "attiude of singing and praising their god\ I thought that was peculiar because they didnt say they were singing, they were in the attitude of singing, so it made me think, we can live our lives like a song of praise towards God- every good choice a heavenly melody and every word a lyric of praise. That's my thought!

And thank you so so much Grandma and grandpa and nana for your letters! I love you!

I love YOU ALL!! thanks you so so so so so much for the support and prayers, I've really felt it!!!!

Con amor,

Hermana Clawson

ps-here is a poem that has been in my head the past couple days from Lord of the Rings, and I know parts of it will be wrong because I can't remember the whole thing, but I'll share it anyways.

all that is gold does not glitter

not all who wander are lost

the old that is strong does not whither

deep roots are not reached by the frost

from the ashes a fire shall be woken

a light from the shadow shall spring

renewed shall be blade that was broken

the crownless again shall be king

-Jrr Tolkien

Letter #1: HOLAAAAAAA

Hi everyone!!!!! I'm here! I''m safe! I'm tired! I've made some friends! this place is so cool!!! It's like all outside! I love that. We have some really pretty trees! And Mexico looks JUST like Ecuador! Seriously all these colorful houses on the hills are starting to make me miss my orphans! I traveled safely and met a few missionairies in Dallas who came down with me. My pday will be next Thursday so that is when I´´ll write you guys again. Hearing all this spanish again makes me so excited, I really love spanish. All I have to say is that Ecuador was the absolute best preparation <i possibly could{ve had. I{ve yet to meet my companion but she should be around soon. Thank you all for coming to the airport this morning and being my family, I already miss you guys, but it}s okay because this place already feels kinda homey. I just keep wondering when wer}re gonna eat haha and sorry about some of the typos <i really dohn{t understand this keyboard, some buttons are switched around...

Okay, LOVE YOU GUYS! ;D

Savannah's Farewell

Hey guys! This is just a little excerpt that Savannah gave in her farewell talk she gave in church before she left for Mexico City. It is great!

Matthew 11:5

I am blind because without Christ I cannot see the meaning in anything. Without my sight in Christ I don’t have the perspective to keep peace or fathom the difference between that which is temporary and that which is eternal. When I am blind I have no sight-when I have no sight, no understanding, when I have no understanding- I have nothing. With Christ I can see mercy, forgiveness, faith, LIGHT, courage, wisdom, understanding, eternity, hope, charity- the list goes on and on-the horizon is endless and beautiful.

I am lame because without Christ I cannot get anywhere. Without Him I am impaired. I can do nothing for myself. Without Him I am completely disabled and forever crippled. Without Him I am frozen in fear and I have no strength to walk. Everywhere I’ve gotten in life, I’ve gotten because of Him. With Christ I am given strength to move. I am no longer held captive by fear and no longer sit frozen in it. I am given the strength in the freedom of faith. With Christ I can get anywhere.

I am a leper because without Christ I am unclean. My spirit rots in the ignorance and pride of sin. All that I am is eaten away in the corrupt mortal conditions my spirit has attempted to live in. Without Him I do not heal-my wounds overcome me until I am no more. With Christ my open wounds disappear. With Christ I become clean because He shed His blood for me. He washes my blood away with His. He trades my corrupt sorrows for His unbroken divinity and gives me beauty for ashes. With Him I am cleansed. I am healed. Without Him I became an outcast just as a leper. I feel completely and utterly alone. With Him I am always secure. With Christ I am never alone, I am clean, I am healed, sin has no power over me, mercy claims me, and I am forgiven.

I am deaf because without Christ I cannot hear anything that has the power to guide me in the right direction. Without my hearing in Christ I might as well not hear at all. All around me becomes chaos and I cannot differentiate anything-good or bad. With Christ I can hear the calm soft and steady voice that guides me through the chaos of this fallen world. With Christ, it’s as if I can hear whatever a sunrise sounds like, and that drowns out all of the confusing voices around me. When I can hear in Christ, I am no longer lured away by the flattering but never promising voices of that which claims to be so great and so spacious, but steadily guided by a beyond reliable guide.

I am dead because without Christ I have no life. Without Him I had no opportunity to even come to earth. Without Him I become dead and lifeless in the monotony of shallow living. With Christ, just as He did with Peter whilst fishing, I cast the net of my ambitions deep and see, hear, breathe, and feel the beautiful rhythm of the wonder they call life. Without Christ I am without all light, and just as the solar system without a sun I waste to darkness and death. With Christ my spiritual senses are awakened and I truly live and experience anything beyond what I ever had the capacity to imagine for myself. With Him I am given light, and with light truth, and with truth life. He truly is the fountain of living waters.

I am poor because without Christ I am without the Gospel and without the Gospel I have nothing. Without Him I squander about, selling all I have for that which is of no value. I decay in the negotiations I make when I sell bits and pieces of my soul to him who gives nothing in return. Christ paid the price. He bought me back. With Christ I am given the Gospel for free. My soul is redeemed and I am made rich in the endless amount of blessings He showers me with. I am made rich in the Gospel because Christ gives me all that I could never pay for myself. He has prepared me a home in His heart. Without Him I have nothing-no sight-no ability to walk-to cleanliness-no hearing-no life- I am nothing without Him-for without charity we are all nothing and He is the true definition of charity. He is all that I want to become. He does not just fill the gap between where I was and where I am now, He fills me. He truly is a God of miracles and in the lines of one of my favorite hymns- “I believe in Christ, so come what may.”