Letter #10: Holaaaa!

Hola everyone! I am sorry that I didn't email last week- time is a precious thing and extremely hard to find and distribute as a missionary, but I'm learning! It has been an amazing 6 weeks here so far- I have experienced so much more than I thought I could in only 6 weeks, so many different people and so many little miracles, the blessings are everywhere!
A, someone that we have been teaching, got baptized this past Saturday! It was such a beautiful experience and I felt so privileged to be apart of it. He has such a strong testimony and such strong faith. He said that he had been praying to find direction and truth in his life and that day the missionaries passed by his house and he was out front at a time when he normally isn't there. He talked about how grateful he was for the timing and that the missionaries were able to be there to find him, and that he knew that what we taught was true from the beginning! It is a testimony to me that the Lord puts people in our path who are prepared to hear and receive the truth! I often feel humbled to even be teaching this people. One thing that we do quite often is teach people the simple but powerful truth of prayer. There is almost nothing more sacred than the quite moments we have with our investigators before and after they pray for the first time in their life. I love teaching people how simple it is and how we can talk to Him the way we would talk to a friend, and that we can ask specific questions and receive specific answers- and that prayer is like a telephone- it's a two way communication- He wants to talk with us too. It makes me so grateful for my testimony of Joseph Smith, and the courage he had to pray- the courage he had to ask where he could find the truth. We taught a really beautiful lesson on the first vision this past Sunday and Elias (our investigator) said something that hit the point of the lesson on the dot- "I feel like everyone has a little Joseph Smith part in them"- yes!! Everyone has a desire to know the truth- everyone has a desire to figure out what's real and what faith is-who is God and would He really answer me? This is a common human question- and we are so fortunate to have the knowledge of the reality of the restoration- the knowledge that God listens to every prayer and will respond!
Speaking spanish is coming. I still can't really express myself the way I wish I could, but I have such a strong testimony that the Lord prepares us for what he wants us to do. I didn't take any spanish in high school. I knew nothing. And then all of the sudden I felt a pull to go to Ecuador? I know that the Lord guided my thoughts and my desires to Ecuador, to help prepare me for this. I can have actual real conversations with people- and I know it's nothing of my doing. I have a distinct memory in Ecuador of picking up a spanish Book of Mormon just for fun. I had no real desire to learn and this was before I got my mission call so was just going to try to read it for fun, but I remember a distinct thought coming to my brain that said- "there will come a day when you will understand every word of this", I didn't really believe the thought because at the time the words just looked like gibberish. Two weeks later I got my mission call to speak in spanish. I can read a spanish Book of Mormon and understand what is being said. It is so amazing to see how the Lord works and prepares us and will help us do the things he calls us to do, because I know that I could not be doing this without him!
All in all it has been a good week and I am excited to see what lies in store for this week. I had a victory yesterday when one of the ward members told me that I had a "corazon latina" because of my love for guacomole and salsa haha. Oh and apparently there was an earthquake Sunday morning? I guess I slept through it, but the members were talking about it!
I love that I get to be on a bike and feel the wind here. It reminds me of something that one of our investigators, Jovani, told us in a lesson yesterday- that our faith is like the wind- it's not something that you can see but it's something that you can feel. I'm so grateful to be able to feel this "wind" and to have my faith grow to knowledge. I know that God is real and that He loves us and that because He loves us He's given us this gospel so we can know the way to return to Him, and I love that I get to share this with others!
I love you all!

Hermana Clawson

She has a tan line from her CTR ring! Go Savannah!

This is the view from her apartment, aka the border between California and Mexico!

Letter #9

Another week has come and gone although it feels like all I did was blink! I think I have talked to and met more people in these last 3 weeks than I have in my whole life! I am learning how to embrace discomfort and open my mouth even if I have no idea what I am saying! My thoughts are really scrambled this week and I don't have much time, so this email will be shorter than normal I think. 

     We are teaching 5 people who want to be baptized soon! I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to teach these people. I think it's a miracle itself that they still want us to come back because most of the time I feel like I can't say anything of substance and that I'm not making a difference because I don't feel like I can convey the message well, but then they say that they know it's true and that they want to learn more! It's a miracle. It truly testifies that the Lord does the work, we are only the messengers. And just how Christ fed the 5 thousand with only 7(?) loaves, if we put ourselves in His hands and let Him break us it will somehow, miraculously, be enough.  

     I am running out of time, and promise to write more next week, but just know that I love you all! Sometimes when I pray I feel like my heart might explode because of all the love I feel. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and that it has been restored in its fulness. That is what makes this message so special. The Gospel has been restored! We need not wander and we need not despair-there is hope yet again on the earth. And I'm so grateful to share that with people- that God knows them individually, that they can talk with him at any time, that death isn't the end, that the Atonement is real-that life literally has a restart button and that God has a specific plan for EVERYONE-no matter who they think they are or who think they they're not- there is hope!

Hermana Clawson

Letter #8: Broken bikes and open windows

 Hola everyone! I am almost halfway through my first transfer! Isn't that crazy? loco haha. The days and the weeks go by so fast here.I feel like I just sent my last email yesterday! This week has been an adventure for sure. So my bike actually got ran over last Saturday...haha. Luckily I wasn't on it. I was just foolish and left it too close to the middle of a driveway. It's not ride-able now but there are a couple of extra bikes floating around the mission that they're going to try and send my way this week! Anyways, we've been on foot, and it's been an incredible blessing! We've had the opportunity to talk and meet with so many more people. If I had my bike this week, I wouldn't have been able to help teach Rudy how to pray, or teach Gloria how God knows exactly who she is, or meet with the man we see waiting for the bus every week. I know that there is a blessing in every trial, in fact I think it's where there is the most. Think of our greatest blessing-the gift of Christ's atonement for us-that blessing was born on the darkest day in human history! Remember that.

    I love getting to spend all my time to be a missionary. Yesterday as we were walking to an appointment we had with one of our investigators, we heard people calling after us. We turned around and there was a car just about to drive our of a parking lot and onto the road and the had their window down and were telling us to run over there. I was confused because they had recognized us from behind but was super excited to talk to them. It was a family and they had rolled down their windows and started talking to us in spanish. "Are you guys Christian?!" "We've seen you around!!" "We want to know more about your church!!" "Where's your church?!" I was so baffled and confused. They were talking so fast because there was cars behind them but the daughter was saying how they could tell from our appearance that we were Christian and had a good message and the mom started talking about how much she loves to read the scriptures but doesn't have a church. The car behind them started to honk. They were like, do you guys have a card or anything?! I quickly pulled out a picture of Christ and wrote the address of our church on the back but didn't have time to write our number. Then, as they drove away, I literally practically through a Book of Mormon through the window with no explanation hahaha. They drove off but I saw the girl look down at the book and her face lit up and she yelled "thank you!!" as they drove away. It was such a cool experience and I really pray that we can see them again!!! Experiences like that are the highlights of my day.

     I learned something really beautiful in my study this past week. In Jacob 4:5 I learned about sacrifice and how Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son Isaac. I learned how this is symbolic of how our Heavenly Father was willing to sacrifice His Only Begotten Son, Christ. We are all going to have to be Abraham in this life. We are all going to have to be willing to sacrifice everything we care about for God. Now the cool thing I learned, was about what we have to sacrifice. God was willing to sacrifice and send His son, Christ. In John one, it talks about how Christ is the "Word" of God. He is everything God wants to communicate to us. Words symbolize thoughts. Christ is the symbol of God's thoughts towards us-love, mercy, charity, hope, etc. So what are the words in our lives? Surely it's not only the things we say that communicate our desires, but our thoughts, and more importantly our actions. Our entire life is a symbol of what we want to communicate with the world.To "sacrifice" something is to "render holy". How can you render holy your words? How can you render holy your thoughts? How can you render holy your actions? This is how we give our lives to God. Consecrate everything. Be willing to consecrate everything for Him. Is what you're living for worth Him dyeing for? Think about it. Anyways, that was a beautiful part of my study this week.

     I'm so grateful for your guys' love. I am printing out all the emails I recieved because they uplifted me so much. I couldn't be more grateful to have such dependable friends and family. If there is anything I learn daily on my mission is that God is my only real happiness. There is a song that I've been listening to that sums it up really well- "let my pain reveal that your glory is my only real rest." The things that made me "happy" at home can't make me happy anymore. There is no time to myself-and that is something I am learning to be grateful for. Everything is taken away, even just they joy of the sunrise or the extra time to pray a little longer, everything is taken away until the only real satisfaction to find is through His glory-and what is His glory- "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man". This is my only rest now. This is where the lasting joy lies, where the happiness that doesn't fade is. Everything else is just too fleeting. 

     Anyways, I am happy, and I pray that all of you are too. I am happy because of all the people I get to talk with everyday. I've met so many great people. Almost daily we meet with an old man named Victor who got baptized about 2 months ago and we meet under his guava tree and he gives us fruit daily and shares his testimony of the Book of Mormon, which he's reading the second time through. So many blessings! I love you all!!

Hermana Clawson

Letter #7: "Because they knew everything was at stake they were willing to sacrifice everything."

Well, I have officially been in the USA for one whole week now! It's been quite the adventure and I am learning a lot. When I got here we drove by a place that looks just like Clearwater beach and that was a comfort for me. San Diego is beautiful and the weather is perfect!!! I am in a place called San Ysidro, which is pretty much as close to the border of Mexico as you can get- literally I can see the Mexican flag from my apartment haha. I also get to use a bike to get everywhere and am slowly learning how to ride one handed so I can hold my skirt down in the wind hahaha. My new companion is Hermana Larson! She is from Utah and has been here for 6 months and it's her first area. It's nice because she knows all of these people really well and can introduce me.
It's very different than the MTC here. I talk with real people every day. real people. real people with real stories and real lives and real feelings and real dreams and I get the privilege to get to know them and show them the very real light of the Gospel. I am slowly learning how to be brave and open my mouth, but it's hard because I don't know spanish as well as I wished, but I know that Heavenly Father will help me learn this language.
I am learning more and more about the character of Christ and the nature of our Heavenly Father. Christ is mercy. That's what I've learned-that the gospel we preach is one of second chances-of trying again and again and again and trying harder each time. I've learned that the only way I can truly find lasting peace is by conforming my will to God's will. I have to make his happiness my happiness, his joy my joy. And his happiness is stated in Moses 1:39- "for behold, this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.". This is my work and this is my glory. I want to help people find eternal life. I want to bring people to the peace of the Savior that they don't even know how well they know. And I am slowly learning how to do this.
It's beautiful here, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday we get to do trail runs outside which is such a beautiful blessing. I got to see the beautiful moon every night and get to ride my bike during sunset, although I will say that I really miss the sunrise in Mexico. Alright, well I have to go, sorry that this was short. So much happened it's just hard to wrap my brain around it all. Thank you to everyone for your constant support and prayers, I need it!
Con amor,
Hermana Clawson

Letter #6

  Well it's official! This is my last time I will be emailing you from Mexico City!! I leave for San Diego super early Tuesday morning. Things are coming to a close here and it's awesome and terrifying all at once. I've gotten really comfortable here. And that's just the thing, the Lord never ever ever calls us to be comfortable-happy yes-but there is a level of discomfort required for growth, a magnitude of trust needed in order to face the future of change with perspective. And it's kind of scary. But it reminds me of every other time I left. Whether it was BYU, Fiji, or Ecuador, they all felt the same. Every single time I felt like I tied a blindfold around my eyes and walked off a cliff, and I think that's how it normally feels when God asks you to leave or to go somewhere new. Anyways, I'm feeling that way again. It's really scary. But not the bad, horrifying kind, it's like the awe-worthy jaw dropping adrenaline rush I finally felt the wind kind. So all is well. I'm really excited to meet the people I can help and to find the people who can help me. There is an adventure on the horizon and I'm excited!

      This week I read in Matthew one of my very favorite scripture stories and it really hit me how much it applies to missionary work and the callings we have as servants of Christ. I read of when Christ fed the 5,000. Christ asks His disciples to feed those who are starving. He asks them to have compassion. As missionaries, as His disciples, we've been asked to feed those who are starving, we've been asked to have compassion on the wanderers. And just like the disciples in this story in verse 17, we doubt. We fear. We fear that we don't have enough. That we don't have what it takes to help these people-but pay close attention to verse 18. As they brought all they had to Christ, even if it was only 5 loaves and 2 fish-as they brought all they had to Him, He turned it into enough to feed the people. It does not matter if you feel inadequate, it doesn't matter if you feel like your efforts are not enough to make a difference-if you give all your efforts to Christ, however small they may be, He will turn it into enough. 5,000 were filled that day. We can help so many people if we just give all we can to Christ first.

     We had district meeting outside this week at night and it was so lovely because we got to see the stars again. I love my district. That was my last time to have an open discussion with them and it kind of makes me sad. Also we had like a tsunami hurricane flood thunder storm yesterday haha. Okay there was some exaggeration there but seriously they like locked missionaries inside because it was hailing so bad! I got soaked haha. But it was way fun, I love the rain here!

     I don't have much more time, but I just want everyone to know how much the Lord knows you on a super individual level. You might not be able to realize it now, but everything that is happening to you is preparing you for your future, everything. Things that never made sense to me years ago make sense to me now. Just be patient and trust the Lord. Alright, it's been real, I'll talk to you from the USA next time!

Con amor,

Hermana Clawson

Letter #5: of parrots, hailstorms, and seeds that were planted 40 years ago

Well it's pday again and I get to send another email! I'm sorry if I don't always have time to respond to everyone, 1 hour is so so so short! I've had a really good week since Sunday. Seriously probably my best week here so far! I got your guys' cards in the mail on Monday and they really made my day, so thank you so so much! Also I had a great birthday on Tuesday! I can't even believe that I've spinned around the sun 20 times!!!! You think it'd get easier with each rotation but it seems I'm just getting dizzier. haha. but yah I'm no longer a teenager!! My district was so awesome, they all bought me a bunch of treats (seriously like 10 packs of starbursts) and decorated my desk and sang to me, it was a great day!
We discovered my new refuge in the MTC. It's the most beautiful field of trees and they're all so tall and wonderful!!! It's proabably the happiest I've been since I've been here. I went back today just to read my scriptures there because we have extra time on pdays. I know that they were planted just for me, which is insane because they had to have been planted a really really long time ago. cool to think about. Also theres a lightpost in the middle of all the trees so it looks like Narnia. dream come true! ha.

We also had a really good lesson yesterday with our investigator and it was super cool because we knew exactly what to do because we followed the guidance of the spirit! stuff like that makes my day 300% better.

On Sunday I was asked to speak (they don't tell you beforehand, you get the topic at the beginning of the week and then just cross your fingers they don't call your name haha because all of it has to be in spanish). Well, they called my name and I hadn´'t written down anything in spanish. nada. But it was amazing because I got to test the promise of the Lord! And it worked! I could talk! I could say everything I wanted to say. in spanish. in SPANISH. Please don't see this as me bragging. I jsut want everyone to see what a miracle this is. I've been here for 1 month. 1 month. There is no possible way I could speak like this by my own power. There just isn't, There is such strength in relying on the Lord. I just know that I couldn't be doing this on my own-I feel like Ammon! "Yae and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God, for He hath all power, all wisdom, all understanding, he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name. Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast, for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation.". All in all, Heavenly Father knows what he's doing and life is more unbelievable and awesome than we have the capacity to fathom.

I had a really really really amazing experience this week. All this past week in my studies and my classes I was councled on saying specific prayers with my Heavenly Father. really specific. Last week I was having a hard time feeling like this is where God wanted me to actually be. I was having a hard time feeling like He actually knew me and loved me, which is ironic, because I'm a missionary, I'm suppossed to know that all the time. I'm expected to. But anyways, I said a prayer and asked God to show me that He loved me through me getting to hear one of my very very favorite hymns (I believe in Christ) on my birthday. I woke up. We always start class with a hymn. Usually I pick it but my district leader already had one in mind. you can guess what it was. ("I believe in Christ") I felt so so happy. We had a devotional. There was a special musical number. They started out singing "I am a child of God" and all of the sudden in the middle of the song they turned it into a medley with " I believe in Christ". It was funny because at first I was just listening zoning out and stuff and then I actually heard it and i turned to my companion and whisper-shouted so loud that everyone turned hhaha. It was such a cool experience for me to have, to know that Heavenly Father will answer even the prrayers that seem insignificant. Then, to top it off, everynight our roommates sing a hymn with us before bed. Lots of times I pick, but again, one of our roommates already had one in mind. I don't think I have to tell you which one it was. yep. 3 TIMES. I had only asked for one. Our Heavenly Father always gives us more than what we deserve!!!!!!! Anyways, it was the best birthday present I've ever had in my whole entire life. My doubts are forever buried. I'm not trying to bear my testimony on birthdays, I just want everyone to know that the Heavenly Father we believe in is no distant God-heaven is within reach-the hand of the divine is everywhere if you find the eyes to see and the ears to hear. Just ask specifically! You have to ask FIRST!

The closer I feel to God, the more conviction I have to do what I know is right, and help others to do the same. I won't sacrifice my integrity for the fleeting convenience of instant gratification, if the principle of obedience itself doesn't fluctuate, then why should I?
For the first time since I've been here it wasn't cloudy at night and I was able to see the stars!!!!! It was the best thing ever in the whole universe. Also there's tons of parrots here. TONS. sometimes it's hard to study outside because of how much they squack haha.
Everyone needs to know that I know that this Gospel is true. I know it!!! I don't just believe it anymore, because all I had for a long time was belief. But now, I know. The power goes out like every other day here because of hailstorms (which is funny because most of the day it's pretty hot) but sometimes you find yourself sprinting through the hail and rain just to get to class laughing with your companion and you catch a glimpse of the mountains and the light behind the rain clouds and you see the scriptures in your hands and you just know that God loves you and all his children and that life is amazing and has a purpose and that we can be amazing and we have purpose. And sometimes it just happens like that and it's awesome.
Okay, I only have like a week and half left here! Then I'm back to good old America. crazy stuff. Thanks you SO MUCH for all of your prayers, thoughts, and support, and for the birthday wishes. I love you alllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Con amor,
Hermana Clawson


John 12:36

Letter #4: halfway done with the MTC!

Hola familia y amigos!

    Well it's official! I'm halfway through the MTC- weird, right?! It kind of feels like one reallllly long day, in fact I don't ever really know what day it is anymore, since all of them just kinda mesh together, but still so much happens! I was sad earlier this week because our awesome sister trainer leaders left to serve in Nashville Tenesee! I became really close with them (like for real they're both as obsessed with Avatar as I am!), but luckliy they'll both be at BYU Provo of winter 2016!!!!! woohoo. I've had a couple of hard days but hard is good, which is something I have to discover over. and over. and over. and over again. My companera got sick earlier this week and it was really hard for her. She was able to get a priesthood blessing from the boys in our district which was a miracle to be apart of. She's all better!! and I didn't get sick!! Thats a miracle too, seeing that we're with eachother ALL the time. Anyways, it's pday so life is good and my district wants me to teach them yoga haha that puts me on cloud 9! Also- reason number 34353390 Heavenly Father created the Mexico MTC just for me (annabelle you'll love this), all of the desks in my classroom have like lord of the rings stuff literally carved into the desk from former missionairies. My desk yesterday said "I heart baginsses" lol, the rest are like I heart smeagol, I heart orcses, haha.

     As usual I've grown a lot spiritually this week and my perspective has been lengthened, even if only a tad. I'm learning that if I make my life a constant conversation with God everything is beautiful, even hard things, in fact those probably the most. I've been reading in the Old Testament about Joseph in Egypt and it's probably one of my very favorite scripture stories of all time. I encourage everyone to go read it! I love where he names his son Manasseh. I looked up what that meant in the bible dictionary and it means "forgetting", That kind of sounds weird, but later in the verse he says "For God hath made me forget all my toil", I just like how through our afflictions we can become greater than we were before and that the Lord will consecrate our afflictions for our gain (2 Nephi 2:1-2). Also hymns with Hermana Horton have become part of our daily routine. We leave lunch just a little early  and sing praises. She sings the spanish and I{ll sing the harmony a long in english because I can't play and read espanol at the same time haha. But yah, its probably the highlight of my day everyday.

     Spanish is coming. slowly. slowwwwwlly. but coming! Actually sometimes I think back to Ecuador (actually like all the time) and think of how at the beginnning I couldn't understand anything at all. Then I look at life now and how I can understand so much of what our investigators say (who are native speakers from Mexico) and its not my doing and its nothing short of a miracle. MIRACLES!!!!! EVERYWHEREEEEEEE. really though. I'm also learning that it takes courage to be obedient, even among missionairies. Theres always the temptation to forget why you're here, or who you represent and kind of treat it like a big long EFY, but that's not what it is and that's not why I'm here. Every hour you have to remind yourself of who you represent and how you want to share Christ's love with people, and you have to remind youself why. Lots of reminding. I want to be unbreakable. I want to become emotionally and mentally resilient. I refuse to get discouraged. 

     I tried to learn more about the Atonement this week. Something I realized is that any pain I inflict upon anyone, any pain at all, in the smallest or grandest degree, regardless of how that person has treated me, regardless of if I think they deserve it or not (and who would I be to think so?)-any of the pain I inflict on any human being is one more thing Christ had to suffer through in that sacred garden 2,000 years ago. I can't bear the thought. I'm sorry if i've ever hurt your feelings in any way, to anyone reading this.

     Every morning a get to walk and see the remnants of the sunrise. There is nothing I love more than seeing the mountains fade to sky against the pink and red strokes of sun. Seriously nothing better. Also today since it was Pday my companion and I decided to walk through all of the buildings and look at the dozens upon dozens upon dozens of paintings. I don't even think we got halfway. I'm so grateful for this beautiful place! Okay, I've got to go, I love you all so so much!! Seriously so much i could burst. Thank you for prayers thoguths support and everything!!! You mean the world to me. 

CON AMOR,

Hermana Clawson